He Leadeth Me

Oh, blessed thought!
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I have difficulty remembering my age.
Truth be told, I’m 35.
I feel like 25…well, unless I’m getting up off the floor.
I struggle with being in my mid-thirties for a couple of reasons:
1) I’m still single.
So God, what’s up with THAT?
There are a lot of days when I’m completely satisfied with this aspect of my life. I think of how settled I’ve become as a person and wonder how it would be for me to “include” someone else into the routine that has become my norm. But I’ve never been a 100% full-fledged fan of the norm. I like adventure and change – as scary as that can be. I feel like I’m missing out on something very special (my separated and divorced friends tell me I’m really not and my married friends make it point to emphasize how much work marriage really is). I think at 35 I’m okay with the work though. Well, that’s what I think. Evidently God has a different plan for my life right now besides having a boyfriend or husband. But being single makes me feel like I’m on the outskirts…left out. Where do I fit?
2) I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I grow up.
As a child I used to play that I was a preacher. I “preached” from a tall plant stand in my parent’s living room. I have always loved God’s Word and history and writing and music and beautiful things. I graduated from undergrad with a music degree. I have been a sales person, a middle-school teacher, a secretary, an office manager, and now…a full-time seminary student. I’m currently unemployed and will be finished with my masters degree in theological studies in mid-August. Then I hope to begin work on my M.Div degree. I attend a wonderful church, but it’s big and I feel invisible most of the time. I lead a Friday night women’s Bible study and I truly am honored to do that. I look forward to Friday nights just for that reason alone. But I don’t know what God wants to do with me…with my life.
Just me?
Anyone else?
What I do know is that God knows exactly what I need and what He wants of me. He holds my future in his hands so I don’t have to worry about it. I have these days where I’m really dissatisfied with my life thus far. I think I should have done more by now – that I should be more or have more. But 35 for me isn’t going to look like 35 for everyone else. And instead of feeling left out, I begin to feel extra special because God is doing something different with my life. How awesome and adventurous is that?!
So I lay it all down and give it to him.
And he leadeth me.
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He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Refrain:
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.
Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
(He Leadeth Me – lyrics by Joseph H. Gilmore)

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5 thoughts on “He Leadeth Me

  1. Wow, we have a lot in common. I have the same questions. I’m 41 & still single, unemployed, & have no idea where to go/what to do from here. Due to problems with the pastor, I’m not engaged at the church. I keep seeking God & trusting He will work things out. Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂

  2. becky! like michele above…i can’t believe how much my new gluten-free friend and i have in common! 33, still single. have had a myriad of jobs, none i’ve been super-passionate about and don’t expect to be, just need to pay the bills.

    know i’m called to ministry, but have resisted ministry for the last…7? 8? years…from when i initially thought i was supposed to go. everyone in my family is in ministry – EVERYONE. well. almost everyone.

    and if you tell me you are at duke, i will just DIE.

    and here we are now, g-free partners because of some tweet. WHAT.

    love it.

    i’m adding you to my feed. we are meant to be friends.

    xo

  3. omg, i am so annoyed with myself for my dozen comments (or three). just read what i wrote above – i have resisted *seminary*, not ministry. blah.

    okay, i’m done now.

    (wow. aren’t you glad i want to be your friend? sheesh. who invited this girl to the party?)

  4. M-Kat,
    I’m already crazy ’bout ya’! 🙂
    So thankful that our God has brought us together in friendship and sisterhood!

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