Nerves

I once had a therapist tell me that the same feelings associated with anxiety/panic are the same feelings we have for excitement and (happy) anticipation.  When she told me that I kind of wanted to pull her hair.

I am NERVOUS.  First day back in the classroom as a student.  My mind reels with the idea that today I have to leave and go to class.  I have to actually sit in a classroom, listen intently, and take notes.

I just finished a MA in Theological Studies, but I did every bit of it online.  This is the beginning of a new degree and a return to a way of learning that I’ve been away from for a long time.

A lot of thoughts have been going through my noggin.  The primary thought is a fear of failure – not doing well or being able to follow through.  I don’t want to disappoint God or waste the resources I have been given to attend school.  Now, I realize that this fear is straight from the enemy of my soul.  I don’t think he wants me at Regent at all.  He would rather I live a complacent, quiet existence.  But hasn’t called me to that life.  I lived that way for far too long.  Walking onto the path of God’s will for my life is a breath of fresh air and gives me a bounce in my step.  I know that IN CHRIST I can do this and do it well, and that He will receive all of the glory for it.  I also have a group (larger than I even imagined!!) committed to pray for me as I take each step in this new journey.  I am humbled and SO grateful!

In times of nervousness and fear, I am reminded gently by the Holy Spirit that my God did not give me a spirit of fear.  I know where fear comes from and I know that the love of God drives out all fear.  So I sit, wait, meditate on Him and His Word…and the fear is gone.  There is happy anticipation.  🙂

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