I once had a therapist tell me that the same feelings associated with anxiety/panic are the same feelings we have for excitement and (happy) anticipation. When she told me that I kind of wanted to pull her hair.
I am NERVOUS. First day back in the classroom as a student. My mind reels with the idea that today I have to leave and go to class. I have to actually sit in a classroom, listen intently, and take notes.
I just finished a MA in Theological Studies, but I did every bit of it online. This is the beginning of a new degree and a return to a way of learning that I’ve been away from for a long time.
A lot of thoughts have been going through my noggin. The primary thought is a fear of failure – not doing well or being able to follow through. I don’t want to disappoint God or waste the resources I have been given to attend school. Now, I realize that this fear is straight from the enemy of my soul. I don’t think he wants me at Regent at all. He would rather I live a complacent, quiet existence. But hasn’t called me to that life. I lived that way for far too long. Walking onto the path of God’s will for my life is a breath of fresh air and gives me a bounce in my step. I know that IN CHRIST I can do this and do it well, and that He will receive all of the glory for it. I also have a group (larger than I even imagined!!) committed to pray for me as I take each step in this new journey. I am humbled and SO grateful!
In times of nervousness and fear, I am reminded gently by the Holy Spirit that my God did not give me a spirit of fear. I know where fear comes from and I know that the love of God drives out all fear. So I sit, wait, meditate on Him and His Word…and the fear is gone. There is happy anticipation. 🙂